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House (Hugh Laurie): [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House, you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein): Short, sweet, grab a file.
House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board...
*long pause*
...certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
That is true, isn't it?
But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
Okay. Well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.
***
Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.House (Robert Sean Leonard): And triteness kicks us in the nads.
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